I Get Along With Everyone. Except I do Not and Neither Do You.

I guess it is easy for others to assume that I naturally get along with everyone, or that I don't get into arguments, or if I do, I am smooth as silk about it and know how to win every argument and still walk away smiling with friendship.

It is easy to assume that, but if you did, you'd be wrong.   I am a good communicator.  I always have been, it's a gift.  My mother said I started babbling as an infant early on and was a loquacious toddler and articulating well from a very young age.  I was a known referee among my friends and naturally  inclined to help resolve conflict.  So it stood to reason that I studied communication and presentation in my adult life and pursued career paths that utilized this skill set.   Even post-work life, as I diverted from a professional career and devoted myself to Motherhood - I couldn't help but to find opportunities to exercise this element of my person.

Saying all this, one would wonder how, given the natural gift, the skill development, the expertise and practice, I could find myself in situations of conflict, argument and even sometimes pretty ugly stand-offs.  Here's the answer:  I'm a human being.

It's true!  It's like assuming that doctors never get sick or lawyers never get arrested.  (okay weird example, but you get the point).   Plus, I'm a native of Brooklyn, NY and I'm Italian and I currently reside in Oklahoma.  Wowzers right?  :)  I'm a very naturally aggressive person and I come on too strong sometimes.

Here's the thing though - because I do put a lot of value in communication, and because I respect the value in other people, I try.  I try every day, all the time, in every situation.    I try to adapt and be less aggressive.  I try to dial it back or dial it up when I need to.   I try to resolve conflict.  I try to avoid potential pitfalls in conversation.  I try to divert when I see it coming or be direct when the situation calls for it.   Thankfully I have the added boon of being able to diagnose fault lines and that allows me to navigate around them... but I'm not successful 100% of the time.   I have emotions and that means my feelings can get hurt and I'm not immune to the primal urge to defend my ego.

I'm confessing this because I want to encourage you to forgive yourself when communication goes awry and fights ensue, and conflict gets nasty and you fail to make yourself clear or to understand another person with accurate clarity.     But first you have to own it.  You have to learn to recognize when it is, in fact, on you, when it is All Your Fault, and embrace the responsibility to make it right - or to shut it down and walk away (which is sometimes the right thing to do).

How do you learn to get better?   Let me help.  Subscribe to this blog so we can stay in touch.  Ask me questions.  Let us, one person at a time, make this world a better place by building connections with more people and avoiding breakdown.

What do you think?  Do you have an uncanny ability to get along with everyone?
If you met me in person, would aggression put you off?  Do you come on too strong?  Do you adapt?